I love where I live. I love my home. I have nice neighbors, beautiful scenery, and a cozy beautiful home. I love to decorate and express myself with the items I put around my house. My home is definitely my sanctuary.
There is a fine line though between having a sanctuary and becoming isolated and staying alone or being lonely. I find that I sometimes get into ruts, where leaving the home is the last thing I want to do. This is a time where I miss my parents. Mom and Dad were good to get me moving about, and keep the loneliness away. Also, my children being in the house and having the family around helped to prevent the grips of loneliness too.
My life now consists of being primarily alone most of the time. I have my dog Daisy to keep me company, but she is on my schedule and stays pretty hushed during the day. She perks up when her Daddy gets home (my husband). My husband works long hours which makes for a long day for me. He leaves early in the morning, and comes home between eight and nine at night usually (if not later). He is tired and I’ve been alone all day. This makes for a combination like oil and water. We are not on the same schedule during the week.
Thankfully, I have found a Peer Support Home which I have been slowly getting more involved with. It is a little distance away, but I enjoy going there to have some social contact. I’ve recently started to exercise again. That is, before pulling many muscles during a family excursion.
Becoming readjusted after the deaths of my parents has been draining, but I’m still working at it. I went from being a wife, nurse, mother to school aged children, and daughter that truly enjoyed spending time with her parents to an isolated mother with children who live far away. My married life is devoted to the weekends. And my accomplishment of becoming a Registered Nurse is shattered due to my mental illness. My parents have both died, and life is beginning in new directions.
Living day by day for me is key. I have to make lists to keep me organized and structured. And unfortunately maintaining social opportunities and home tasks alone can be overwhelming at times (as crazy as that may seem). I do know that when my environment is clean and organized, my mind responds the same. So cleaning has to be put into the schedule. I have so many things I want to do and so little energy to achieve it. Accepting and taking up bursts of energy are a must.
I love to bring my granddaughter to my home, and for us to have fun together. She is the little girl in my life and brings me such happiness. I feel that my husband and I have achieved a place of stability with finances, though we do both like to shop. Our downfall, definitely. Yet we are filled with bubbling joy as we go to yard sales, consignment shops, and auctions. What fun!
As time progresses forward, the stretch behind obtains more meaning. The obstacles that my children are going through are in my distant memory, and now the thought of how life changes so drastically and quickly becomes in focus. The thought of how short life truly is becomes comprehensible. Therefore I plan to live life to the fullest, and not waste time. I will spend time with those who matter. Live as happily as humanly possible. And I plan to reach for destinations that seem unimaginable.
But most of all – I plan to smile going forward, make others happy, and leave my contributions.