Hope For The Best

 

Courage dear heart

Though times are scary and everything seems to be falling apart, there is a plan for it all.  We don’t understand the reasons that the paths are going into shaded areas.  We are walking blindly into unknown areas.  There are kind hearts and spirits all around.  There are prayers and hopes for the future.  The anxiety sometimes overwhelms and yet we move forward.  Take in all that is wonderful and all that we can be grateful for,  because there is so much love around us to be seen.  Take each moment for what it is, enjoy and be in the present moment of time.  Don’t think too far ahead.  The mind has a way of twisting information.  Stay in the present always, and hope for the best.  It is all in God’s hands and He is our strength and our provider.  We are safe in His care.

Being Thankful for Every Blessing

 

Gratitude

 

How could I possibly think that I’m living the dream.  Well, I have a beautiful home.  I have a husband that loves and cares for me.  I have grown children that I love with all my heart.  They are all caring, compassionate adults, they have done well for themselves, and they love me for who I am.  I have neighbors that are wonderful and caring.  I now have the time that I am able to spend with my children, and I’m able to help them as needed.  I have two beautiful granddaughters, that are sweet and loving.  We are not rich, but we get by and are comfortable.  We travel occasionally, and now we have a great RV.  We have a warm home, a yard that we have our garden in, and a field for snow-shoeing in the winter.  We have a dog that is loyal and smart.  And cats, well, they love being loved.  Life is as good as I make it.  And I say it is quite good.  So, yes, this is the dream.

 

Being Grateful During Trials

Be Strong with Gratitude

Having my daughter diagnosed with stage two breast cancer when she was thirty-one and helping to care for her during the pain, anxiety, and illness due to chemotherapy all while living about one hour away from her is exhausting.  She has a seven-year old child that needs to feel security during these times and not be overwhelmed with the chaos (behind the scenes).  We also have the daunting task of traveling close to two hours one way from my daughter’s house for her treatments, and these are tiring days.  And as a mother and former Registered Nurse, I am aware of the personal care and the help that is needed after these treatments.  I want to be there to help her during these times emotionally and physically, while also helping her with her care and daily chores, and spiritually, offering love and hope.

I also have my own illness with Bipolar, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and PTSD that I have to manage on a daily basis, and keep myself healthy so that I am able to do all that I want to do, in order to care for her while keeping my own affairs in order.  I am fortunate that I have a supportive husband and support team that I can count on when I need them, though reaching out when I am having trouble is essential.  Part of my support team is my psychiatrist who is compassionate and knowledgable and my counselor who I trust completely and am honest with and lean on when times are hard.  She has become a valued part of my team and I am so blessed to have found her.  And though mental illness is a battle to manage at times.  I have a greater understanding of those that suffer from anxiety not only in mental illness, but also with others who suffer from the fear and disruption due to a physical illness.

It’s amazing how life brings us down different paths and that the journey is so unpredictable.  Having to give up practicing as a nurse was a devastating blow to me.  I knew that I was meant to be a caregiver and I was knowledgable at my skill.  I love to help people and bring them comfort and joy.  So leaving my profession due to a disability of mental illness was crushing.  I admitted in despair one day to my mother that what I worked for was all a waste.  She adamantly told me that I would always use the skills that I have learned and to never think that anything in the past is ever a waste.  I have come to understand that statement well.  I not only cared for my mother and father, I also advocate care for my husband and myself, and now for my daughter.

Also, being divorced from my children’s father was a devastating end to a long relationship that I fought to maintain, but ultimately we parted.  I can see the blessings in regard to that separation as well.  We both are better people apart from one another.  I now have a partner and husband that I truly believe is my soul mate.  We were meant for our paths to cross, and he lifts me in a way no man ever has.  And though our paths are extremely different, our hearts are similar.  It’s a nice feeling.  During these trials he is my main support, and it is when we are at odds that I truly have to reach out to others in my support team.  My husband is my rock.

So although life though it twists and turns, and is currently difficult and draining at times, it worked out exactly as planned.  There is meaning in everything.  There is a reason for everything and having trust and faith is essential.  It will all make sense eventually.  Focusing on the positive aspects of everyday and what I am thankful for is my goal.  Moving forward with determination and strength in all that I do and looking for the beauty and the things to be grateful for is what keeps me going.

 

 

 

We Can Do This Together

Being a mother is more than a responsibility.  It is a lifelong loving gift and privilege that God has given to us.  It is the ability to be there for a child through the best of the best of times (when there are trophies, and graduations, new babies being born, triumphs that are overcome and beautiful memories that are made), and it is also being there in the midst of the chaos and the uncertainty (when times are scary, and worrisome threats are all around).  It is being there when the child falls and you help them up, and also being there when those bumps and bruises are beyond the parents control, and believing and praying, and encouraging is needed.  This privilege that God has entrusted to us as mothers, goes beyond all that is seen with the human eye, it is filled with determination, and love, and faith that is not tangible but is instead filled within the spirit.

child

And to my children, I will forever be a part of all of those times of joy and trial.  I will be here to lift you and help you whenever you have fears or doubts.  Call on me when you need a friend.  I will be your best friend.  I will fight the battles with you, and stand by your side.  YOU are my priority.  YOU are my love.  YOU are a part of my heart that I will guard with all that I am.  We, together, can make it through anything.  I promise that I will always do everything in my ability to make things better, and safer, and more hopeful.  Never be afraid to lean on me.  For in the end of the trial will be a beautiful rainbow and promise of a brand new day with sunshine. Just hold onto my hand.  Mom will always be beside you.

Lifting the Burden

canstockphoto8054442

Verse of the Week

Proverbs

3:21-24

My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck.  Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble; when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down your sleep will be sweet.

 

Lifting the Burden

At times the load seems so very heavy.  It’s hard to move forward and to keep a smile.  It is in those times that I especially look toward my faith, my family, and my friends.  Just realizing that I am not alone and that help surrounds me is comforting.  For me, sometimes just picking up the phone and saying that I’m having a hard time is so hard for me to do.  I don’t want to seem like a continual burden to my circle that I so heavily rely upon.  Yet to realize that these people are there because they love and care for me is necessary.  Roles reversed, yes, I would be always be there for them.  And when I feel so alone, just talking to God can release so much tension from within, and talking to loved ones that are missed (my angels), gives me peace.  We are never alone.  We are heard.  We are loved.  Reaching out is essential.  One step at a time.  The days will flow together and time will move on.  Lessons and strength will be learned and gained.  The load will eventually be lifted.

 

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.

Mother Teresa

 

© Can Stock Photo / Ajlber

Expect the Best Outcome

Bright rainbow

The results you expect will become reality.  Seek the answers with a believing heart and live with hope along the way.  Don’t be afraid to quiver at times, then lift your head up high and walk in determination once again.  It’s part of the journey.  The plan was already set out before you.  The road will never be harder than you can bear.  This is a promise that has been given to us.  And when the road gets hard, we are lifted and carried.  So keep on the path because there is a vibrant and bright rainbow up ahead.

My Father’s Watching Eyes

Last night I had a dream about loved ones who have made their way to heaven.  I recall my mother in the dream, also my uncle, and finally I recall my dad.  When I saw him, I recall the term “brain-dead” being used.  But the odd thing was that although my dad had no significant brain activity in the dream, the beauty was that I could see his eyes.  They were wide open and were able to watch what was going on, though they did not move in any direction.  At times it felt almost playful in the sense that he would close his eyes not to be seen looking.  But then when I would look again his eyes were wide open and  I had the awareness that he knew everything that was going on.

Knowing that my dad is my guardian angel is a comforting thought for me.

my fathers eyes

The added peaceful reassurance is knowing that I also have the watchful eyes of our Heavenly Father.  It is with the knowledge that through our God; the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit that I am able to walk in absolute certainty that I am loved, and cared for, and worthy.  And that I have the guidance I need, not because I am perfect, but because I am his child and will be cared for and given God’s grace through Jesus Christ.  It is a wonderful security knowing that, though I fall short often, my Father’s watching eyes are always nearby and guiding me.  And the instruction book that I need to guide me in his love is at my disposal all the times with the Bible.  This is just like any loving Father to give to his children the key to happiness and security in this world around us – to protect us and give a soothing hand that is needed during times of trouble.

 

© Can Stock Photo / Hriana

Being Healthy to our Bodies

 

healthy

I was walking in the beautiful sunshine yesterday, with a slight breeze, enjoying my time outside with Daisy (my faithful companion Labrador), and was soul-searching into my life and how it has been wonderfully pleasant.  I live in a beautiful home, in an area that is desirable, with my husband who truly loves me for who I am.  My thoughts went to how fortunate I am that I can be walking and in good health.  I have my minor aches and pains that I’m working through and thankfully are dissipating.  The feeling of complete gratitude for all of my blessings filled my being.

I thought back to a time when the thought of perfection and beauty were just the physical aspects of a person, and how I strived to be that perfect “beautiful” being.  This was quite an unsure time in my life and I believed that in order to control how I felt about myself, striving for that “perfect” image of beauty was something that I could have some control over.  And how I started with my eating disorder has gone from my memory.  I just remember that I could maintain a weight that was acceptable, and still enjoy all of the things that I liked.

My life was in chaos at that time, even though I was a Christian and trying to raise three small children.  This was about the same time in which I developed my first episode that required hospitalization due to what I now know was Bipolar.  My thoughts were all mixed up and to top it off I was bulimic, and then fasting for days.  This was quite a frantic time inwardly for me, while trying to maintain an outward calm presence.  And along with my eating disorder, I had personal marriage and family problems that were crashing down.

Along my walk, I realized that my health and well-being are so precious and need to be guarded and cared for.  Years ago, during that time of turmoil, I didn’t see the gift of this life that I have been given, and the body that has been entrusted to me.  I had been careless and oblivious to caring for my body.  And for this I asked for God to forgive me.  The idea that I alone had not taken care of my gift of life had become so apparent.  I asked God to help me in being committed to caring for and being healthy to my body.  Now is the time to take good care of my mind, body, and soul – and to live happily with the knowledge that I have guidance from above.

 

© Can Stock Photo / AnsonLu