Difficulties Wont Distract Me


God knows what he is doing

So I spent the last two hours working on a new menu for my blog site.  It came out perfect (or to my liking).  I titled the menu “For a Higher Purpose”.  I had numerous previous menus and I want to show God’s work in my life in my writing, so I felt that the title was appropriate.  I then pressed the button to publish it without first saving it, and it was GONE!  Two hours of work gone so quickly.  I was shocked.  What had I done.  I thought about restarting my efforts, and then got up, ate, got dressed – all while contemplating what to do now.

In a moment’s time I found myself thinking about my morning prayers and the peacefulness of the day as I worked on my project.  My reading from the Bible today was about the peacefulness of God.  Then I could hear the familiar known ways of Satan in past bible studies and church, that the more you work toward getting to know God, the more distractions and set-backs are put in your way.  Satan doesn’t want God’s love to be spread around.  He wants failure and negative thinking.  He wants fear and chaos.  Though in the midst of thinking about my lost efforts, I thought about the title of my menu again – For a Higher Purpose.  And the ramifications of spreading the love of God could be detrimental to the chaos.  And to stay above that, the peace of God ran through me.  I found myself smiling through the frustration.  No I wont let myself be distracted.

The same rings true for everything that is going on in my life.  Life can be complicating and confusing and filled with fear and chaos, but it is with the knowledge that I know that God is in control that I can go forward confidently.  The distractions are trials and fear can be overcome.  I am placing my trust and faith in God and I know that everything will work out for the best.  All will be okay.

Visualize What You Want

Being creative and having a good time while I’m doing it is amazing.  So why not make a vision board of the desires of my heart.  I did this once in a partial hospitalization program while I was recovering from a depressive episode.  It was not only fun (once I started it), it helped me to focus my energy for my future.  So I thought about it and had an array of old magazines that I had recently went through and decided “why not”.  I got these magazines together one night and started to flip through the pages.  My initial goal was to find words or phrases that contributed to different areas of my life – my home, my blogging, my family, my health, my vacation or summer fun time.  As I went through the pages, more and more inspiration and thoughts came out of it, and I cut those words and phrases out.  Then I found pictures to go with my words.  It became a game of what more could I find.  I wanted more goals and fun to add to my collage.  My mind drifted to the way I wanted to run my house, camping in the summer, spending time with my family, being healthy and active, believing that Emerging Triumphant in personal areas of life are going to be attained, peacefulness, joy, laughing, and venturing out, plus much more.  I cut out all of the pieces.  Why not have an art project with my desires and ambitions?

Art Project

Vision Board

I remember once being asked by someone to take a picture with one of my funny faces depicted for the photo, and I displayed this “no way” kind of attitude.  And my daughter who was thirty-one at the time simply asked me, “how old are you”?  She was really saying “don’t be so old”.  So in essence I say, be young and have fun and have goals and desires.  Truly putting this vision board together and putting it in an area where I will frequently see it actually focuses my mind to my future hearts desires.  And what I think of frequently so will it be.  Try it.  It works!

Adult Coloring to Peacefulness

Not Everyone Is For Your Best Interests

Michelle obama

Working for this family doctor’s practice was what I thought that would be the perfect job, especially with my anxiety and bipolar disorder.  It would be more peaceful and comforting to my spirit.  That would have been so if I wasn’t taking the job of a beloved Registered Nurse who had worked there for twenty years and had recently passed away.  I was this younger nurse that was trying to take her place.

“What does she know.  She cannot be any type of replacement for…”

I had to fill the shoes of a loving and caring triage nurse that frankly (could not be replaced).  The competition and comparison were greater than I could handle.  My anxiety moved in which also allowed my depression to rise and spiral out of control.

One day I had left a message for my psychiatrist to call me so that I could ask him to possibly raise my anxiety medication.  Well, he called me back and I huddled into the break room.  The physician of the practice happened to come into the room as I was finishing my conversation with my psychiatrist.  Instead of any form of compassion and understanding, he  immediately told me that what he heard about my mental illness was not within doctor/patient confidentiality, so he felt that he had the right to let other people know.  I was not only suffering with my own problems, but now I had to worry about him spreading my medical and emotional information throughout the practice.  It was within a few days of that conversation that my anxiety blew up into full-blown panic and I was unable to return to work again.

I tried so hard but ultimately this “peaceful, comforting atmosphere” was the ending of my nursing career.  My anxiety and bipolar were too much of a burden for me.  And the fear of being “called out on it” caused great distress.  I never allowed my mental health conditions to affect my work and judgement.  I was masterful at hiding my emotions, which was part of the issue.  Keeping everything held in for so long would end up causing me to have periods of great emotional release and uncontrolled crying and distress.  And to think that I had to “hide” my mental health condition was absurd.

So although this physician was supposed to reflect compassion and caring along with an attitude of good healthful advise and concern (I would think).  I believe that his attitude toward mental health or (stigma) caused unnecessary reaction on his part.  Instead of advocating for a healthy aspect and environment in the workplace, I was threatened with my own “medical” problems.  Kind of ironic if you think about it.  Because actually mental and physical health are all medical in nature.


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Hope For The Best


Courage dear heart

Though times are scary and everything seems to be falling apart, there is a plan for it all.  We don’t understand the reasons that the paths are going into shaded areas.  We are walking blindly into unknown areas.  There are kind hearts and spirits all around.  There are prayers and hopes for the future.  The anxiety sometimes overwhelms and yet we move forward.  Take in all that is wonderful and all that we can be grateful for,  because there is so much love around us to be seen.  Take each moment for what it is, enjoy and be in the present moment of time.  Don’t think too far ahead.  The mind has a way of twisting information.  Stay in the present always, and hope for the best.  It is all in God’s hands and He is our strength and our provider.  We are safe in His care.