I was walking in the beautiful sunshine yesterday, with a slight breeze, enjoying my time outside with Daisy (my faithful companion Labrador), and was soul-searching into my life and how it has been wonderfully pleasant. I live in a beautiful home, in an area that is desirable, with my husband who truly loves me for who I am. My thoughts went to how fortunate I am that I can be walking and in good health. I have my minor aches and pains that I’m working through and thankfully are dissipating. The feeling of complete gratitude for all of my blessings filled my being.
I thought back to a time when the thought of perfection and beauty were just the physical aspects of a person, and how I strived to be that perfect “beautiful” being. This was quite an unsure time in my life and I believed that in order to control how I felt about myself, striving for that “perfect” image of beauty was something that I could have some control over. And how I started with my eating disorder has gone from my memory. I just remember that I could maintain a weight that was acceptable, and still enjoy all of the things that I liked.
My life was in chaos at that time, even though I was a Christian and trying to raise three small children. This was about the same time in which I developed my first episode that required hospitalization due to what I now know was Bipolar. My thoughts were all mixed up and to top it off I was bulimic, and then fasting for days. This was quite a frantic time inwardly for me, while trying to maintain an outward calm presence. And along with my eating disorder, I had personal marriage and family problems that were crashing down.
Along my walk, I realized that my health and well-being are so precious and need to be guarded and cared for. Years ago, during that time of turmoil, I didn’t see the gift of this life that I have been given, and the body that has been entrusted to me. I had been careless and oblivious to caring for my body. And for this I asked for God to forgive me. The idea that I alone had not taken care of my gift of life had become so apparent. I asked God to help me in being committed to caring for and being healthy to my body. Now is the time to take good care of my mind, body, and soul – and to live happily with the knowledge that I have guidance from above.
© Can Stock Photo / AnsonLu