Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can be such a debilitating disorder. It can be one traumatic event that causes fear for the rest of one’s life; or it can be years of repeated attacks to the soul that sparks episodes of recall, fear, depression, or anxiety. The depths of the attack to one’s spirit is intense and forever relevant with hair-raising episodes of fear, elevating periods of a pounding pulse and startling fast paced breathing. It is not a disorder that is easily overcome or forgotten, if ever.
For me, I realized that just reading in my journal the full recollection of a traumatic event caused me to become depressed. I was not so much depressed that I could not function, but my mind was saying “put the brakes on, I don’t want this to impact me again”. I could either be on alert or put the brakes on. The recent recollection slowed me down and unconsciously I said “NO”. I don’t want to feel this again.
Due to my PTSD I realized that I have to take a break from reading my journals from years past. I will go back to it eventually, but now it is time to be present and in the moment. I, of course, don’t live back in those days. My life now is fulfilling and ever-changing. Each day is a new adventure. I’m looking forward to what’s around the corner.