Last night I was at a depression group and we were talking about how we can imagine God talking to us as a child of His. This would be the same as us talking and trying to comfort a child. Even though we are adults, we are still children of God and He wants to comfort us in our sorrow and time of need.
I immediately recalled a time with my Dad when he was fighting cancer and the thought of the loss of him was bearing on my soul. I felt like I was unable to talk to him about this because it was his mortality that was the question and fear. My dad was someone who I was able to tell all of my problems to and he would always patiently listen and guide. This was so different because how could I talk to him about my fear of losing him. My dad was diagnosed with stage four cancer and I was going with him for all of his treatments. Me, being a nurse, knew the seriousness of such a diagnosis.
This dilemma led me into my own depression and inability to cope. I finally talked to my (then) boyfriend about this problem, and he simply told me that it might be best just to talk to my dad about this. I decided to take his advise and I walked onto my dad’s three season porch where he was lounging and watching television. I simply told him that I was worried about him and I haven’t been able to talk to him about it. I then hugged him and began sobbing on his chest. He (as he always did) allowed me to get out all of my feelings. He allowed me to cry, even though I spoke no words. I was just getting out all of my pent-up feelings. After I released all of that emotion, I told him that my boyfriend suggested that I talk to him about my feelings. His only comment was, “How did he get to be so smart”. I had left mascara stains on his nice cotton button down shirt that he had worn to work that day. And even though I spoke minimal words, my father and myself had a moment where my fear of the loss of him was exposed. My dad, with the broad shoulders he ALWAYS had, let his daughter cry about her fears. He was so gracious and took in all of those emotions without asking for further clarification, or exposing his own fear. I will forever be grateful for his strength of character and his love for me.
And now is the time to give my fears and anxious thoughts to God (my father in heaven). He is faithful and will not abandon me in my time of need. And even though sometimes I don’t even have the words to say to Him, He knows my heart. All I need to do is be still and know that He is God.
I resort back to my favorite verse from the bible which says, ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all you do acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths’.
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