My eyes were blinded by tears, as I drove down the dark, winding, country back road. The thought of his inability to fully commit to me was lingering in my mind. Why doesn’t he want me? What is holding him back? Doesn’t he say he loves me?
The past few months had been difficult, with the passing of my dad (one of the best friends I could have asked for). Now where could I go? Who could I talk to? The feeling of abandonment and a total loss of direction was inside of me. I did the one thing that I knew I could do, where there was a reliable, trustworthy place for peace and comfort.
I called my mom and told her I was on my way. I didn’t want to show up at this hour unannounced. She was in bed when I arrived. It was the middle of the night, and I don’t know what I was expecting. I walked to her bedroom and told her I was there. She offered for me to lie down next to her, but the feeling of being a child once again overwhelmed me. I declined.
I went back down the hall and found a comfortable spot on the couch. I saw my dad’s prayer blanket, that had so lovingly been made during his bout with cancer. I put the blanket over me, as my mind raced with thoughts of what to do.
My live-in boyfriend doesn’t love me enough to commit to me. My twenty-two year marriage had ended a few years prior, and now I was going to be lost in limbo forever. My life wasn’t meant to be this way. The stress of rejection and loss encircled in my mind. I grabbed the blanket and prayed for peace and sleep to come over me. The only comfort I felt was that prayer blanket, and knowing that my dad had also used that blanket for comfort. I drifted off to sleep.
I knew that it was my dad talking to me. I couldn’t see his face, but his voice and his presence were so strong. I felt lifted and hope. I so needed him. His words were comforting and loving, yet persuading and strong. He told me that I have all the strength that I need. I am stronger than I know. I will understand this in time. He reassured me that everything would work out. He told me that I needed to be strong for my mother. She needed me more than ever. His presence faded and I searched for him, as tears fell.
I awoke knowing that my dad had come to me in my dream. His spirit was strong. He was there, and there was a sense of happiness in knowing that I had spoken to him again. Being immersed in the experience, and trying to take in the morning was my goal.
I heard my mother in her bedroom, and I walked back down the hall. She was making her soft bed, and pulling up the beautiful linens. I had to share my experience with her. Would she laugh? I trusted her wholeheartedly.
I told her that my dad had come to me in my dream last night. There was no laughter, and no reassuring as if I were a child. She acknowledged her understanding and clearly announced her joy for me. She said that it was beautiful. She believed every word that I said to her.
I told her that my dad said that I needed to care for her because he said that she needed me. I told her that I enjoyed speaking to him. And that it was helpful and left me with a sense of hope. Her response was a question in which she asked if I was feeling better and that I didn’t want to die anymore. Surprised, I asked her how she knew that I was feeling that way, since I never mentioned that to her. A questioning look appeared on her face, as she told me that my dad had told her that last night in her dream.
The wonder and enlightenment in that space of time when we both instantly realized that my dad, her husband, had come to both of us in spirit, in our dreams, during this new unfamiliar time of need when he was not physically present to help, was pure astonishment. There was no way that my mother would have known those thought were in my head because the words were never spoken, yet my dad had told her what I was thinking. And I had felt the need to confide in my mother about my dad’s spirit talking to me in my dream.
I believe that this was a beautiful witness to the divine spirit of unending love, and the power of God and angels who walk with us everyday. I have again seen my dad, and now my mom who has also passed since then, in my dreams, but rarely. This is truly a beautiful gift from beyond, and within the power of possibility, that is an awesome and abundant power from above.
Image courtesy of dan at FreeDigitalPhotos.net