Living with the anger is a difficult thing to do. The everyday pain and remembrance of the traumas seem at times too much to bear. Even going on with my life to this day, many years later, sometimes causes so much bitterness that I’m still dealing with the after-effects.
Yes, I need to get over it, but how. The thought of once again raising a child can be so joyous, then the monster reignites. The trauma and fear resurfaces.
Living with Emotional Abuse and Violence in my former marriage and now PTSD has not been an easy task, especially when it started at the young age that I began dealing with it. I should have been clued in when I saw my ex-husband (then boyfriend) and his father choking each other that one day. How do people act this way?
Releasing the anger and fear – the damn fear – is exhausting. To move on in my life and possibly go down a new road with my husband, I have to move past this. It enrages me that I’m still living with this.