Raising the children and keeping them happy and safe was the goal. There were circumstances in which I wasn’t there soon enough and emotional damage was done. Physical damage was minimal, yet caused much havoc at particular times, and was never able to be tolerated.
Bringing one of my children to counseling was necessary, and this action was mocked by some, though I fought for what was right and needed. This was also a particularly scary experience for me because I was afraid that our “secrets” would be exposed.
This family life and fear of loss began at an early age of the children. I remember the day and the experience which started the fear when social services knocked on my door, and continued till the time my youngest son turned eighteen. I was always telling my husband to be quiet and lower his voice. It was even a relief when we moved out into the woods, and I wouldn’t have to worry as much about listening ears. How crazy is that? The ability to be able to leave my husband and move on with my life was achieved when the kids were out of the house – the youngest going to college in two weeks.
Living with Bipolar and struggling to maintain balance while living this family life was challenging, but accomplished . Stress magnified my need for care, but my focus of family kept me moving forward. I am so thankful to my parents for their undeniable support.
The tough times were frequent during those years, but the accomplishments that were made were huge and obvious. The ability to be able to go back to college and then becoming a Registered Nurse while caring for the family and traveling from New Hampshire to Boston was achieved. All the children graduated with baccalaureate degrees from college and became loving, caring decent human beings with purpose of their own.
The scars of fear remain for me but life is now moving in a beautiful direction. I don’t regret and I am not bitter about any of the past. God has helped me to heal. I am thankful for all the strength and knowledge I have attained. For it is with trials and determination, courage and blessings are achieved.****************
There is nothing more beautiful and powerful as a smile that has struggled through the tears. Don’t regret your time, even the moments that were filled with hurt. Smile because you learned from it and gained the strength to rise above it. In the end, it is not what you have been through that defines who you are; it’s how you got through it that has made you the person you are today, and the person you are capable of being tomorrow.
This quote was found on the Positive Outlooks Blog